The Main Offenders:

Matthew Rex Downham

Matthew was born in the countryside of Micronesia, where he lived until he was 12. On his journey to manhood, Matthew learned the essential lessons he needed to in order to succeed as a man. This includes killing multiple people at once with his bare hands, baking three cakes at the same time, using the computer from across the room with his mind-powers, and most importantly, the ability to seduce anyone with a single glare. Matthew currently resides in Orlando.
Matt’s site

Austin Tiberius Brown

Austin was raised by goats and wasn’t aware of the known-world until he was 23.
He now resides in Los Angeles.
Austin’s site

The Other La.mers:

Matthew “Lil’ Phil” Spill

Shelby “Shelob” Stong

Daniel “Crime Stick” Andrews