The homeless people around here all have their own distinct personalities. Almost like comic book characters. We have names for all of them based on how they dress or act. Today, in the first of the series, I’ll be describing The Pharaoh to the best of my ability.

He is a wise and mysterious man, who has been wronged time and time again, and is suspicious of everyone except himself. He finds comfort in the fact that one day he shall return to his royal palace, destined forever to be the ruler he once was…

Discover the truth about him after the break…

The Pharaoh is a man who occupies the exact same corner every day. We call him such because he wears a small black Egyptian Nemes (you know, one of those headdress things the Pharaohs wore), and he’s pretty tan. This is a man who has no care for common courtesy. He will go into the street where cars are stopped and individually ask each car for change, almost as if he’s asking his peasantry for offers.

If you’re unfortunate enough to be driving on that particular corner and he comes up to your car, you’d probably expect to hear the booming voice of Ra or Horace. But instead you hear what sounds like the voice of a sophisticated old woman who should be asking you if you want crumpets with your tea, not for spare change.

If someone gives him said change, a simple thank you does not suffice. Instead, with a shake of his fist which is most likely holding an invisible scepter, he tells them that he will pay them back when the government gives him the money he’s due.

The real question for me, is what is this government money for? Was he a black ops spy sent in to some foreign country, behind enemy lines, to assassinate a leader that got caught? Is he in a situation where his government has denounced him, and now all he can do is ask every single damn car that pulls into In ‘N Out for change?

He’ll never be able to make enough to continue on his trail of revenge this way… Or maybe he truly is an Egyptian Pharaoh who got lost on a pilgrimage, and is simply demanding his rightful royal earnings. Either way, he is a worthy addition to the LA.ME HOMELESS HALL OF FAME.

Next time, I’ll be presenting The Wiseman. An ominous observer silently watching over the citizens and their every move…